A 2008 study by David Schmidt suggests that high extroversion often leads to a lack of relationship exclusivity and highlights you as someone on short-term grounds. Coming on too strong to a guy or girl unknowingly might scare them away. Hence, it’s vital to be mindful of the signs that you might be coming on too strong, especially in a budding romance. We are here to tell you what exactly those signs are and what you can do to break this pattern in consultation with counseling psychologist Anuradha Satyanarayana Prabhudesai, founder of Disha Counseling Center, who specializes in CBT/REBT techniques to help people reconnect with themselves and work on their behavioral patterns.
8 Clear Signs You Are Coming On Too Strong
How do you know you are coming on too strong to your partner? Finding an answer to this question is never easy but the clues may be hidden in your dating history. If your dates suddenly go MIA from the scene, then there is a good chance that you tend to come on too strong too soon, which often makes people avoid you. However, being ghosted on online dating platforms isn’t the only indicator that your dating style borders on aggressive. Here are some other signs that can help you identify if you are coming on too strong to a guy/girl:
1. You text them all the time
Texting first once in a while is fine. Even double texting on occasion may be acceptable. But if your chat window comprises a barrage of texts from your end without any or minimal response from the other side, it might be time to consider the possibility that you are coming on too strong to your partner. Anuradha explains why. “In this fast-paced age, when we are seeking instant gratification, an unanswered or delayed reply can seem to be the most pressuring thing. Invariably we end up over-texting or sending texts on a trot to a person till he/she is forced to answer.” This can, in turn, drive them away.
2. If you wish to tag along everywhere, you are coming on too strong
It is okay for couples to want to do things together. If you have a lot of common friends, you may end up meeting them together often. But if you are tagging along on guys-only booze nights or all-girls outings, then consider it a red flag you’re coming on too strong. Anuradha says, “Personal space is vital in every stage of a relationship.” For a relationship to run smoothly, partners need to respect each other’s personal space and should look out for things to do individually too.
3. Aggressive and intimate flirting might be a red flag you’re coming on too strong
Toying or teasing each other is adorable but including sexual innuendos too soon can be a little scary for your partner. It might also end up giving them cold feet, considering that it sends out a signal that you aren’t moving forward at the same pace. Anuradha says, “Sexual intimacy is undoubtedly an important component of a romantic relationship; however, it must be timed well. Acting prematurely can leave the person at the receiving end feeling confused and make it seem as if you’re coming on too strong.”
4. Staking your claim
Being territorial in the early stages of a relationship is never okay. It will only earn you the tag of being overly possessive and make the other person run in the opposite direction. Dictating terms and governing how your partner should lead their life is a prominent red flag you’re coming on too strong. Anuradha says that this behavior pattern can make the other partner feel too suffocated or constricted, which can get in the way of building a long-lasting relationship.
5. You tag a relationship too soon and get ghosted after coming on too strong
Using labels like girlfriend or boyfriend within weeks of connecting with someone might end up in you being ghosted after coming on too strong. Tags often come with defined roles and responsibilities. Using them too soon might leave the other person feeling too overwhelmed or lost, leaving them wondering how to tell someone they are coming on too strong.
6. You stalk them online as well as offline
If you create situations that allow you to bump into your newfound love too often or scroll through their social media pages to figure out where they are and what they’re up to and then question them about it, chances are, you are coming on too strong. Building trust in a relationship, no matter how old or new is essential for its future. You might ruin your chances of winning the other person’s trust if you come on too strong. Besides, this constant need to keep tabs on them indicates your own underlying trust issues that may be pushing you to be so overbearing.
7. You expect too much, too soon
If you expect your partner to be everything that you desire, no matter how minuscule your demand may be, then consider it a red flag you’re coming on too strong. Anuradha says that unrealistically high expectations never bode well for a relationship. “Many a time, a person may not be used to experiencing/handling too many feelings. If a barrage of emotions is let loose, it may result in them withdrawing as they are unable to handle it,” she adds.
8. Going public with the relationship on social media
Posting cute mushy reels, uploading an intimately cute picture, or announcing a relationship on social media is acceptable only when it is mutually agreed upon. Anuradha says, “This step should be taken only when two people have spent a significant amount of time together and are sure that this relationship brings them love and security. Even then, it is best to first break the news to the inner circle of both partners – involving their respective friends and family – and only then should the world be informed.”
5 Tips To Avoid Coming On Too Strong
While understanding your problematic behavior patterns is an important first step, it is much more crucial to know how to avoid coming on too strong. If you are wondering how to recover from coming on too strong with a girl/guy, we’re here to help. While it is not that easy to figure out how to tell someone they are coming on too strong, the least we can do is to keep a check on ourselves. To that end, here are 5 tips that will help you steer clear of the trap of coming on too strong:
1. Introspect to understand your behavior pattern
How to recover from coming on too strong to a guy/girl? A little introspection goes a long way. Anuradha advises, “Time to take a pause and ask yourself what it is you are seeking. For instance, if you tend to inundate your romantic interests with text or other forms of communication, ask yourself, why can’t I wait for the person to respond as per his/her time? What happens if I have to wait, what emotions do they bring up for me?” The answer to these questions will help you understand why you act so clingy in a new relationship and why spells of silence trigger your insecurities. Once you understand the underlying trigger, you can work on it and put your tendency of coming on too strong to rest for good.
2. Try not to have unrealistically high expectations
Expectations often lead to a lot of pressure on the other person, which, in turn, fuels the risk of being ghosted after coming on too strong. Anuradha says, “Unrealistic and over-the-top expectations are like a fire you unleash in a relationship. What should be a slow warmth that spreads and embraces two partners becomes a fire that engulfs the relationship. In order to sustain a healthy relationship, keep expectations realistic, based on what the other person can offer/give rather than what you want.”
3. Don’t be too available to avoid coming on too strong
A desire to spend all your time with your beau is natural in a new relationship. This is exactly the time when making a conscious effort to strike a balance between different aspects of your life is extremely important. In your desire to be with your partner every chance you get, don’t end up being too available for your partner. You need to value yourself, your work, and your time. Be there, just not to the extent that the other person starts taking you for granted. This may be a tricky balance to strike but it is the key to figuring out how to recover from coming on too strong to a girl/guy.
4. Don’t force yourself into their life
Wait for your partner to feel the need to have you around. Do not try to be with them constantly or force your way into their life. It is exactly the kind that indicates you are coming on too strong and leaves the other person feeling claustrophobic in a connection. It is okay to socialize with a few common friends together, but know your boundaries and do not overstep them.
5. Do not put a label on things too early
Putting labels on a relationship is a good way to feel secure but doing it too soon might make you look too pushy. Anuradha advises, “Give the relationship time. Try and understand the emotional quotient of the partner. Reiterate the importance of boundaries because slow is the new fast.” It is always important to notice the red flags you hold in your relationship for sometimes they might be what jeopardizes your relationship. If you found the signs we’ve listed relatable, be mindful of your tendency of coming on too strong to your partner and make a conscious effort to change your behavior patterns.
