Being in love with someone else while being married definitely fits the bill. And what if your feelings for another man do not trigger any regret or guilt? Can it put your marriage in jeopardy even if your transgression doesn’t come to light? Or can it infuse fresh excitement into a marriage settled in the rhythm of routine? Read this woman’s story to find out:
Married But In Love With Someone Else
I was too busy with work. So busy that I didn’t have the time to look at myself in the mirror, let alone another man. But affairs can find a way into your life in the strangest possible ways and I got attracted to another man despite being married. Yes, I’m in love with another man despite being in a happy marriage. My everyday life brims over with routine monotony. I’m a mother, a wife, and a successful professional – I knew how to balance marriage and career exemplarily. All these roles take up most, if not all of my time and energy. Right from running the house to meeting deadlines at work, I have it all and unabashedly know that I’m doing a mighty good job of it.
Why Am I So Attracted To Him
Earlier, I used to view infidelity as something close to a crime. Somewhere deep in my conscience I still believe it to be true, that’s why when I was married but thinking of another man, I suffered the greatest internal conflict of all time. I felt like I was losing my identity. Maybe it was because I felt lonely or bored of my monotonous routine, but when he entered the room and charmed me with his gorgeous looks and deep maturity, I was instantly attracted to him. In hindsight, I don’t know how guilty I really feel – I am a successful woman and deserve so much more than I get. Is what I’m doing really so wrong?
I had no ‘me time’
When I sit down at the end of each day and look back, I wonder why there’s no ‘me’ in it. Such is the story of my life – not of one specific day but every day. Somewhere, somehow in the midst of the hullabaloo called life, I’ve lost a very precious ‘Me’. Come to think of it, there wasn’t much amiss but at the same time, there was an aching vacuum that seemed to be deepening by the day. The real me was getting trampled by all the other roles I had been playing for all these years. I kept grappling with myself, asking who I was really? I was running from one role to another with not a moment for myself. I heard my friends talking about Netflix shows for couples and about the books they were reading. I was so exhausted at the end of the day that I just crashed into the bed and lost myself in the world of dreams. You could say that was my only ‘me time’.
I got attracted to another man
That misery lasted till I met him. Until then, I hadn’t realized what I was missing. Till that point, I chose to label all my relationships and keep the boundaries crystal clear, choosing to express my feelings just the way they were and feel good about having poured my heart out. But not this time. A few encounters, some conversations, and I could feel the difference. I was married but thinking of another man, and more than guilt, I was feeling giddy and dizzy, like a school girl experiencing her first crush. I hadn’t felt anything like this in a long time. I could sense a part of me trying to grab the light streaming in from the end of a distant tunnel. There was a noticeable change as well – a spring in my step, a smile lurking around my lips, a lightheartedness, and a wish to embrace this new Me.
He lit up my life
The wife and mother in me were vying with the woman in me who had gone into hibernation. I was enjoying the attention, the concern, and the flutter that was coming my way, it felt pleasantly different. But should I enjoy these? My head and heart were at loggerheads for once – and I chose to go with my heart. I wanted to feel good about myself after many years. There have been numerous occasions when the right versus wrong debate has waged a war within me. I know many people may think it to be immoral – being married but attracted to another man, but he comes with an irresistible charm of his own and has rubbed some of that on to me. Why else do I feel thrilled at these subtle changes in me?
I want to hold on to this feeling
The thrill and purity of such an overpowering feeling come without a name and I yearn to hold onto them. The passion I feel every time we meet, which is not too often, is indescribable and has a calming yet unnerving effect on me. The emotions flooding me are overwhelming and bring with them a feeling of liberation. And all this is buried deep within me. What I feel for him or what his company does to me remains within me. It felt weird, something I had never talked about before – being married but constantly thinking about someone else. I was always of the opinion that once you’re married, your life is another ‘happy every after’ story. Unexpressed emotions and unspoken words are proven ways to show someone you love them and I do not want to open up – not to him, not to anyone. All I want is to revel in this newfound feeling where I am all that matters. We do not wish to label this feeling, just as I’m certain about not taking this to the next level. This, now, is how I like it. I am in love but not sexually attracted. It’s emotional gratification I crave for.
What Counts As Cheating In A Relationship?
What began with meetings and social media encounters will continue to be so. There have been no dates in this past year, neither have we gone for movie outings nor taken strolls in the park, but the infrequent communication is enough to keep the embers glowing. Does this count as cheating in a relationship? Is it really true that I’m in love with another man? I don’t know. Every time I think about the way he makes me feel, the goosebumps and butterflies in my stomach come along with the thoughts. It’s such a wonderful feeling, so how can I label this as cheating? I’ve never confided in him about my feelings, unlike his confession of being attracted to me. Personally, I don’t think meeting and hanging out with someone who makes you feel good about yourself and someone you truly enjoy spending time with counts as cheating. If it makes me a better person, can it really be so wrong? I now know what feel-good is. The no-strings-attached companionship has helped me re-acquaint myself with my femininity and the feeling of being wanted not for the role I play but the person I am. Right? Wrong? I don’t know. To be frank, I don’t care. Right now, let me soak in the euphoria! Yes, I am married but in love with someone else, but it makes me feel so awfully good! I have no cheating guilt and I just loved this feeling that I have found myself anew. What’s wrong with that?
